Zebra Crossing (Ain't Nothin' Lasts)

Source: Photos Public Domain

It's amazing how quickly things can change. Two weeks ago my life was very different; the people around me, the sounds I was used to hearing, what I spend my day doing, how I was perceived. Two weeks ago I left the familiar comfort of England with its homes small and close enough to give you a hug, to the wide, open, (mostly) sunny California. Other than the weekend of rain that welcomed me on arrival, I feel like I'm seeing practically every part of daily life through some kind of warped glass, like everything has its own American flavour reminding me I'm not in familiar territory anymore. Even something as simple as crossing the road is a task I have to re-learn. ('Wait, I could get fined for walking across the road?!') I'd say it was like a baby having to learn bit by bit how the world works, but it isn't. I already have a pretty detailed map laid out of how that goes; it just doesn't match up with what I'm experiencing. I thought I'd be moving myself and a few suitcases of possessions but instead I'm having to shift a lot of my thoughts, ideas and expectations around too. Needless to say, it's all a little destabilising.

And in all the hauling and pushing and pulling around of brain thoughts it's inevitable that some old dusty ones are going to find their way out into the sunlight again. For me its been an interesting reflection that couldn't be more relevant to the confusion I'm experiencing on a daily basis. It fascinates me that, as fragile humans with limited mental capacity, we just can't get a grip on the fact that change is going to come; it's going to come and big fat keep coming and there's just no way you can hide from it.

There's a story in Sūrat Al-Kahf of a man who had two luscious gardens. They consistently produced fruit, he had a good work force and pretty much all this world has to offer. In modern day terms he's a successful business man and his income has been safe, steady and abundant. Not surprisingly, he gets used to his state and becomes a little boastful of it as if it was all his doing and that God must be loving him. What interests me here though is what he says when he enters his garden. One day he goes in and declares 'I don't think this will ever perish.' It's funny because from the outside, it really seems delusional. Even with no knowledge of agriculture, how many ways do we know of that plants can be totally destroyed? Too much rain, too little rain, an infestation of something, someone sabotaging it, an animal getting in... Not to mention the most obvious thing of all, ain't nothin' lasts forever. And yet this man believed it so strongly, he said it out loud. As absurd as this is, we do it and feel it all the time.

We all get used to the blessings in our lives: our family members, our jobs, our eyesight, our mental health. We get used to it and think ourselves awfully 'good' when we recognise the benefits and are grateful for them. But when they go, when our health deteriorates rapidly, when a loved one passes, , even when we lose a measly phone, we go into a state of denial and disbelief. 'This can't really be happening. I just had it a second ago and now it's gone.' Sometimes we just totally blank, as if we can't quite process what is happening. Sadness is understandable but why the confusion? It's as if a part of us thought we would always have it, a part of us believed things would never change. 'I didn't think this would ever perish!' our hearts are crying out, so when things do change, we don't quite know what is happening.

One of the times I have to remind myself of this the most is whenever I'm facing some kind of difficulty. Distressful situations too can change. In the moment, we don't think so, we think the relationship can never be mended, we think we can never change a trait we hate in ourselves, we think the obstacle in our path is far too insurmountable. We convince ourselves we're stuck in a rut and things can only go downhill from here: we will always feel frustrated at this person, we will never find that opportunity we're waiting for, we will always fall in the same way. To make matters worse, our memories in those moments just confirms that. Our recall is affected by our current mood so when we're sad, we more easily remember times in our lives when we were upset or depressed (true story, studies said so,). It becomes much more difficult to picture the times that contradict whatever we're feeling. It seems even when looking back in our lives, we don't much like processing that things actually changed. But they did. They change and they will just keep changing. The challenges you're facing now are going to pass, you're going to find some way to get through them, just like you did last time and the time before. The pain you feel due to your hardship is going to lose it's potency over time, you're going to find a way to cope, you are going to have happier moments again. And if you don't believe that, if you believe your situation is fixed or that you don't have the capacity to deal, then you're forgetting the Change card you can play at any time; du'ā. Don't tell me you don't think Allāh can't make a way for you. He made everything from nothing. I think a few adjustments in one tiny human's life is within His capacity, subḥānah.

"And what is the worldly life except the enjoyment of delusion?" (Ḥadīd, 57:20)

Allāh didn't promise us 'forever' in this world, only in the next. No, this world is transient, fleeting, even deceptive. It comes and it goes, it has highs and it has lows. We can be mistaken in what we see, think or hear and sometimes change has happened before we even know it. Allāh gives us the example of vegetation that flourishes in the rain and then, over time, withers and becomes yellow. Everything in this world will turn yellow too. It's not made to stay with us.

The blessings we have are temporary, no matter how long we've had them. They're not ours to keep forever so we need to try and appreciate them as if they might go at any moment. When we lose them, we have to remind ourselves that it's inevitable things would change and use it to connect us back to the only constant who does not. Lastly, we should find comfort in knowing that pain will pass. It's just a matter of time before that situation turns yellow and is replaced by another. That's the nature of life. Perhaps over time I can even get used to zebra crossings where the cars don't actually stop*. It's amazing how quickly things can change.

Source: Scot Duke

* Out of respect to my new North American neighbours, I thought it only right to translate this term and explain my statement which may be somewhat baffling to foreign ears (eyes?). A zebra crossing is a marked crosswalk. This may be shocking to hear but, in the UK, cars actually stop when they see a pedestrian at the side of one waiting to cross. It is very rare to see a car drive over it while you are on the crossing itself. That would just be rude. They never have buttons to press, the markings on the road (and sometimes lights on each side) are enough to inform the drivers that this is a pedestrian zone and the walker has the rights here.